Can I Get 5000 Links Please?

I’ve been meaning to start up a more humorous themed post once a month and finally I found my first bit of bait. I have the link building keyword as one of my main columns in Hootsuite, and I always see the strangest freelancer jobs. This one stood out because it perplexed me, as well made me chuckle quite a bit. I also like how he wants 5000 links within a few days but requests no blackhat methods! I for one do not know many legit ways to get that many links quickly, nor would I want to. I thought you readers might get a kick from the list of demands needed to get this “job” done;

GUIDELINES:

– Absolutely no black hat or Grey hat tactics. We require white hat techniques only.
– NO ARTICLE or Directory Sites, No Comments,
– Sites have to be 4 Years old at least. And no registration modification of the domain in the last 2 years.
– Links must be strictly from: Google PR5+ pages (home page page rank, iframes, other page ranks do NOT count)
– Back link pages must relate to our site topic(diet, hCG diet)
– URLs must be live as soon as you create them
– Free one-way manual links.
– No subdomains, back links must be on a www.
– Links must be from English, languages websites only.
– Links must be permanent and static HTML. You agree to replace any links which are removed within 6 months after placement.
– Link pages and our text links must be visible, readable, indexable and do-follow.
– Linked sites must be search engine friendly, established and fully active.
– Pages must be indexed and cached by Google, Yahoo and Bing within last 60-80 days
– Domains must be from different IP addresses and different Class-C IP addresses.
– Only these domains .com/.co.uk / com.au /.gov/.edu/,de,.eu,org,.net
– Prefer high ranking Alexa sites.
– No article directories, link farms, forums, spam sites, web rings, gambling, or adult sites, or link directories.
– We reserve the right to cancel any link if not found suitable.
– Links that are not approved will have to be replaced by service provider.
– Reports must be submitted to us daily.

NOT ALLOWED
– No directory submissions, forum posts, article submissions, links from guest books, within newsgroups, yahoo groups, CL sites.
– No black hat and other unethical SEO. spam techniques. Only ethical work will be accepted.
– No links from rel=”nofollow” or “noindex” tag for pages themselves and for anchor text
– No robots.txt blocking, fake PR, banned by Google, Yahoo, Bing sites
– No use of automated software or bots.
– NO PING SITES.
– No links from under construction pages.
– No java links, jump scripts, framed pages, redirects, cloaking, CSS redirects, 301 redirects, dynamic links, flash sites/pages, hidden links, no string parameters, session ID’s, etc.
– No link farms and link exchange programs or web rings such as backlinks.com, Gotlinks.com, Linkpartners.com, LinksToYou.com etc., no rented links, FFA sites, illegal websites, hate-based websites, violent websites, cracking or hacking websites, no blacklisted or spam sites, links from “bad neighborhood” sites (e.g. link farms, porn and so on), ping sites, etc.
– No scraped content, mirror sites, orphaned link pages, link schemes and sites overrun with contextual ads, popups, ads, sponsored links, intrusive advertising, classified sites, labeled links, etc.
– No adult websites or with illegal content.
-Domain page and its URL must not contain words links and sponsor.
– No classified ads
– No dynamic links

So we can see here they’re either insane or really dumb to think this task will be completed properly. This also goes to show you why legit companies need to stay away from freelancer sites when it comes to hiring a consultant. This also goes to show you why Google has implemented anchor text filters within the last few years, and I can bet you this person will end up getting caught.

Anyone have any stories to tell about freelancer site link building?